Hi friends!

So by now you know we have an itty-bitty bakin in the oven and we could not be more thrilled and humbled by God’s will for our little family.

This is a post to not only share our journey to baby, but most importantly give God the glory in everything.

Here’s why….

Husband and I have been married for 7 years and 7 months and 21 days (at this point, it’s actually October 31 when I am writing this!) While we probably won’t be sharing these posts until after January I wanted to share our happenings while they are fresh on my mind.

So back to my original point, we have been married for 7 years and 7 months, and for about the first 7 years and 3 or 4 months the thought of actually having a baby was way, way off the radar.

I remember around our 4 year anniversary I told K I would really try to be ready to start by our 5 year anniversary, but that came and went and I still never felt maternal. Fast forward a year or two to several conversations of me just about giving up and coming to terms with the fact “I don’t think I am ever gonna be ready, I’m not going to have  baby fever, so I’m gonna have to become ready when it happens!”

Well sometime around K’s birthday this year (he turned the big 3-0 in June!) something just clicked inside me. I can’t remember exactly what it was that changed my heart, so I can only attribute it to the Lord’s hand and power.  I do, however,  specifically remember driving together and saying to K, “I want a _____  ______” (full name disclosure to protect what we’ve had picked out for a long time! Don’t worry you’ll find out eventually!) 🙂

From that point, all the fears of never feeling maternal washed away and I could not get my hands on enough “research material”. I was at the library checking out books on all things pregnancy and labor, seriously it consumed me for a couple weeks! Every day I had something new to tell K.

Because I had an IUD we had to again be proactive with when we should get it removed. Different research yielded different answers. Some said remove 3-4 months before you want to conceive, others said 1 month, etc. Well, because I hadn’t been to GYN in over a year (whoops) I had to go in for that awful appointment first before they could remove it. (We knew we wanted to start trying around October or November.)

My appointment was on September 17, and when I arrived I mentioned to the nurse that we were planning to get my IUD taken out soon, and she said “oh we can take it out today”. I probably had a deer-in-headlights for a few seconds, because I assumed I would have to come back and wasn’t prepared to no longer be “protected.” 🙂 I called K and he said, “well we were hoping to start soon anyway, would save you a trip.” (Not to mention one less time someone in my business, if you know what I mean.)

So with a quick prayer and a deep breath, I said, “let’s take it out.”

That night before bed K and I prayed that we were finally ready for when God was ready to bless us with a baby. We did not pray to get pregnant and for a baby specifically, but we prayed for His will and His timing, and our patience.

On Sunday October 12, I was laying on the couch and I began to pray that I trusted God’s plan, and His timing because I believed it was perfect, but since I was “all in” I really wanted to be pregnant. I tried not to pray to become pregnant, but focus on trusting Him. However because my flesh wanted what I wanted right now, I prayed that I wouldn’t be disappointed if the pregnancy test said negative yet. I decided to make myself be patient and atleast wait until I was supposed to start before taking a test. I had a serious inner battle going on for a few days: take one, don’t take one…I was scared to take one and it say no, then be disappointed even though I prayed to not be.

I decided to wait until Wednesday, October 15. After K left for work, I got up and took it, placed it on the side of the bathtub and walked away to start my makeup for Bible study. I was so nervous and the inner battle became fierce, I kept praying please Lord don’t let me disappointed. I finally worked up the nerve go look.

Two lines.

I stared at it for what seemed like an hour, but more likely 10-15 seconds and just started sobbing. I hit my knees and sobbed some more. (as I am again reliving that moment) I said “thank you” atleast 100 times and just prayed and prayed. I even asked God why He continued to answer our prayers, I was so humbled in that moment because I truly felt so unworthy.

Side note: Please, please do not read this as I am in any way bragging and gloating with how quickly we were blessed. I battled with whether or not to share this detail, but I felt it necessary in order to fully give God the glory. His timing is perfect for everyone, and I will forever be grateful and humbled for this opportunity. I have prayed for several women who struggle with infertility so I am not sharing this in a flippant or insensitive manner.  I am simply sharing to shed light on the Lord’s plan, nothing more.

After a long time of praise, I picked myself up and continued to get ready to go to Bible study.

Immediately following Bible study I stopped at Barnes and Noble and Target to get some gifts for K. I had always dreamed of how I would tell him.

I decided to pretend that I wanted to film another episode of Tamara Talk and asked him to come home a little early because the light was good. 🙂 I thought I was being sneaky because I really wanted to record telling him. Well when I asked him to come home, he said he knew immediately what was up! Ha! Our communication is that good I guess, we call it ESPN HD. 🙂

So I had the present hiding and we got situated on the couch, I pressed record and I asked him about his day, etc. Then I reached around and gave him the present! Poor thing tried so hard to act suprised! Ha! (later on I found out he peeked in the closet and noticed the pregnancy test box was missing where it had been!)

I will never forget the way he looked at me in the moments following. He had such an immense amount of love in his eyes.

Our hearts and lives forever changed on October 15. Glory be to the Lord!

Next up I am sharing how we prepared for baby!

xoxo, Tamara